6 Experts Urge Dinner Guests to RSVP Promptly and Arrive 5 to 10 Minutes Late

Q: Why is ice the one gift that's always welcome, while flowers or food can be a social faux pas?

Ice is always welcome because it solves an immediate hosting problem without creating any new one. At a dinner party, ice is a basic supply that often runs low, especially for drinks, chilling bottles, or last-minute kitchen needs. A guest who brings ice is giving the host something useful right away, with no expectation that it be displayed, served in a particular way, or worked into the menu. Flowers and food can become a faux pas for the opposite reason: they can add work or interfere with the host’s plan. The experts in the story stress that a good guest should not impose. Flowers may require the host to stop, find a vase, trim stems, and rearrange space just as guests are arriving. Food is even trickier. An unannounced dish can disrupt a carefully planned menu, create pressure to serve it, or clash with dietary restrictions and presentation. That is why one expert compared bringing a dish without warning to “wearing white to someone’s wedding.” The broader etiquette principle is that the best gift supports the host rather than complicates the event. Gifts the host can enjoy later are usually safest because they carry no immediate obligation. Ice is the rare exception because it is both practical and invisible: it helps the party run smoothly while asking nothing of the host except to put it in the freezer.

2 articles · Updated · The New York Times · Jul 7

Six New York-linked experts said good dinner-party guests should first commit intentionally, then honor the RSVP rather than cancel casually or ask who else is coming.
5 to 10 minutes late was the preferred arrival window for intimate dinners, they said, while showing up early can disrupt hosts still preparing.
Gifts should reflect the host’s tastes and create no pressure to serve them that night; bottles, olive oil or even ice were favored over imposing dishes or overly personal flowers.
The advice comes as the article says U.S. socializing has been declining, framing guest etiquette as a skill that may need more deliberate practice.