Carole Takes Daily Care of 93-Year-Old Father Andre After Finding Him Driving Illegally
Updated
Updated · The New York Times · Jun 15
Carole Takes Daily Care of 93-Year-Old Father Andre After Finding Him Driving Illegally
1 articles · Updated · The New York Times · Jun 15
Summary
A January 2024 call from Andre’s eye doctor pulled Carole back into his life after she learned her 93-year-old father was still driving despite vision so poor it was illegal.
At his Santa Rosa home, Carole found squalor—expired food, disrepair and rats in the ceiling—and what began as a check-in turned into hours of weekly help, then daily care.
Carole, 58, now handles Andre’s appointments, finances, medications, errands and constant calls even though she had been harmed by him and her sister remains estranged.
Andre has savings from years as a newspaper typesetter but refuses to spend on caregivers or cleaners, and Carole says his doctor agreed he showed dementia yet could not force him to pay for care.
Your parent has dementia and refuses help. What can you legally do before it’s too late?
How do you care for an abusive parent who no longer remembers the trauma they caused?
An elderly driver is a public danger, but the system can't intervene. Who protects us?
When Aging Parents Refuse Help: Legal, Ethical, and Emotional Realities for 53 Million U.S. Family Caregivers
Overview
Carole’s caregiving journey began as a simple visit to her father Andre, but quickly turned into a daily commitment as his needs grew. She now spends hours each day managing his appointments, finances, medications, and responding to his frequent calls. Despite having savings, Andre refuses to spend money on his own care and insists he doesn’t need help, even though both Carole and his doctor recognize clear signs of dementia. Without legal authority to compel him to accept services, Carole faces ongoing frustration and complex challenges in ensuring her father’s well-being.