Emily Ratajkowski Rejects 'Divorced Single Mom' Label in New Essay at 35

Q: What parenting moment finally shattered Emily Ratajkowski's post-divorce 'villain' persona?

It was not one dramatic scene, but the pull of caring for her son that broke the act. Ratajkowski said her post-divorce “villain” phase unraveled when she realized she was “too preoccupied” with Sly to even enjoy the sex, and that motherhood kept cutting through the persona. In practical terms, the clearest parenting moment was the routine she could not escape or fake: no matter how late she stayed out, she would leave, go home, and be there for her son’s early-morning needs, including his 6 a.m. call for “Maamaaaa!” That constant return to caregiving exposed the gap between the “impenetrable supervillain” image and her real life as a mother. She ultimately wrote that the persona was “misguided and vulnerable” and “a silly game of performances with no substance.” So the thing that shattered it was not a date, but the reality of parenting Sly—especially her inability to stop centering his care, even in the middle of her hookup era.

Q: Ratajkowski detailed her hookups, but what did these men ultimately teach her about herself?

They ultimately taught Emily Ratajkowski that her post-divorce dating persona was a performance, not a true expression of what she wanted. In her essay, she said the hookups showed her she had been acting like an “impenetrable supervillain” — a woman who needed nothing from men — but that this stance was “misguided and vulnerable” and left her disconnected from her own desires. She also said the experience exposed a pattern in how men responded to her. Some were drawn to her specifically because she was a mother, reading motherhood as proof of self-sacrifice. She learned, too, that the less she appeared to need men, the more intensely some pursued her. But that dynamic did not translate into fulfillment. What the dating phase clarified most was that she was not actually getting what she thought she was seeking. She wrote that she was not “getting off on the sex,” in part because her attention remained centered on her son, and that the whole period became “a silly game of performances with no substance.” The deeper lesson was about agency. By the end of that period, Ratajkowski said she understood that her real power did not come from playing the “villain” or from male attention, but from recognizing that she had chosen to leave her marriage. As she put it, “I wasn’t left; I left,” and the ability to say no was the real strength she gained.

3 articles · Updated · USA TODAY · Jun 12

The Cut published a June 12 essay in which 35-year-old Emily Ratajkowski says she resents being labeled a "divorced single mom" after her split from Sebastian Bear-McClard.
Ratajkowski writes that her marriage "collapsed" six months after the birth of son Sly, now 5, forcing her to confront a longtime fear of single motherhood.
Dating after the split, she says some men seemed drawn to her motherhood as a sign of built-in self-sacrifice, deepening her discomfort with how she was perceived.
She describes entering a dating "villain" era—casting herself as a woman who needed nothing from men—before concluding the performance left her still vulnerable and disconnected from her own desires.
The essay revisits themes of female autonomy and self-definition that also ran through her 2021 essay collection "My Body"; she married in 2018, separated in 2022 and finalized the divorce in 2025.