Slate Advisers Discuss 45-Year-Old Husband's Discovery of Wife's 1-Year Deception
Updated
Updated · Slate · Jun 4
Slate Advisers Discuss 45-Year-Old Husband's Discovery of Wife's 1-Year Deception
1 articles · Updated · Slate · Jun 4
Summary
A 45-year-old husband told Dear Prudence he was devastated to learn his wife had still been involved with an ex when they began dating and had concealed it for years.
Months of talks and therapy led to her admission that she was not single when they met; he then found messages suggesting she kept sleeping with the ex for months and still loved him for nearly a year.
Jenée Desmond-Harris and Lizzie O’Leary said research on gaslighting would not fix the marriage, arguing he needs clear acknowledgment of harm and likely a different couples therapist if sessions remain stuck.
Their advice framed the issue as a choice about the relationship’s future, with trust, emotional safety and the couple’s 5-year-old daughter shaping whether he stays or leaves.