Can and Shani Detail 2-Year Sexual Relationship as Polyamory Talks Test Trust

3 articles · Updated · The Guardian · May 17

Two and a half years after a drunken brunch kiss, Can, 49, and Shani, 44, say they still maintain a largely separate relationship centered on intense but infrequent time together.
Both say the arrangement grew out of divorce and abandonment fears: Can had been poly for 7 years after his marriage ended, while Shani says a period of sleeping with multiple men masked her fear of being left again.
Early in the relationship, Can stopped seeing other people so they could focus on each other, and Shani says that decision helped build trust even as they kept emotional and domestic distance.
They now openly discuss attraction, jealousy, fantasies and possibly involving other people or visiting sex clubs, though Shani says actually seeing Can with someone else would be a major test.
The pair live about 1 hour apart, do not talk every day and say they are not defining a long-term future, but both describe the connection as still strongly sexual and sustainable for now.

Is their distant, passionate affair a new model for love or a fantasy destined to fade?

Can a romance built on managing past trauma ever lead to a truly secure and lasting bond?