Experts Urge 5 Steps to Handle a Friend’s Partner Without Losing the Friendship

2 articles · Updated · The Guardian · May 15

Therapists and friendship researchers say the safest default is to manage your dislike privately rather than tell a friend their partner is a dud, unless there are signs of physical or emotional abuse.
Gabrielle Rifkind says the first step is to examine what is driving the reaction—fear of losing the friendship, jealousy or insecurity—then protect the bond with regular one-to-one contact.
Chris Mills advises people to tolerate ordinary dislike and avoid forcing a friend to choose, noting that traits you hate may be exactly what your friend values in the relationship.
Experts also recommend trying sincerely to know the partner, planning solo hangouts when chemistry still fails, and venting only to someone outside the shared friendship circle.
If someone feels compelled to voice objections anyway, Janice McCabe says they should expect distance afterward; friendships often ebb and flow, and honesty may cost access rather than change the relationship.

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